Thursday, February 22, 2007

Blue Like Jazz

I just finished reading this book, thanks to Grier's and Jeff's encouragement. I have to admit that after the first couple chapters, I wasn't that impressed. I didn't like his writing style-short, choppy, sentences-abrupt thought changes, etc. However, the next day, after reading about Penny's conversion, I had changed my mind. The book definitely put me in a contemplative mood as I thought about what Penny said about reading Matthew and learning that Jesus never showed partiality but all of us humans do. By the time I finished the Confession chapter, I was completely hooked and extremely convicted. I felt I needed to go set up a booth to confess and also have a booth next to it where I was giving away hot soup to the poor.

In a nutshell, Donald Miller challenged me to put my Christianity or as he would call it my "Christian Spirituality" into practice. Like Don's friend Andrew the Protester who really believes that Jesus's command to feed the poor was meant for him directly, so he serves breakfasts on Saturdays on a busy sidewalk downtown. Not only that but he actually talks to and more importantly listens to what the poor and homeless are saying.

One thing you can say about Donald Miller is that he's real. He says things that we've all thought or wondered about at some point, but haven't had the guts to say.
And God convicted me throughout the book. One of the main things God showed me was that I am not showing Christ's love to those around me-indeed I can't-when my focus is all on myself. Don talked about how he likes "efficiency in personal interaction." I'm often the same way. I'm on the phone with someone, and I say the right things that make them think I'm listening, "Uh-huh, wow, interesting..." but secretly I'm wondering, "Why can't they just get to the point?" I'm thinking about the next thing I need to do and how they're holding me up from doing it. How backwards is that thinking???

Christ doesn't care about things; He gave His life for people. And that is exactly who I should be spending my time on. How many times have I been at the grocery store and just thought about what I needed and how quickly I needed to get out of there before Ella had a meltdown. Yes, I smiled to the lady at the deli counter who was getting our turkey and cheese, but secretly I was thinking, "Lady, can you just go any faster? No small talk; come on, I've got things to do." How very un-Christlike of me. And shouldn't I bother to learn her name? And truly act like I care about her b/c after all Christ does. As Don points out, when we act rushed, all it does is leave people with the idea that we don't value them. I want people to feel valued when they are around me because I truly value them as God's creation. Because God values them. Because God loves them just as much as He loves me.

I sat down to read the book some more yesterday after putting Ella down. I was frustrated b/c I had wanted to read a magazine article in the restroom (where all good magazines are read), but of course, I couldn't. Ella was in there w/me. Pulling things out of cabinets, putting her hands on the magazine, and saying in her own special way, "Pay attention to me, Mommy, all the time, every second when I'm awake, even when you're trying to poop!" Right after that, I had to go change her poopy diaper. I was just tired of it! I needed me time, so I put her abruptly down for a nap. "No, Ella, no time for a story; you have to take a nap."

As I settled in my chair to read, I arrived at the Community chapter and felt God gently rebuking me as I read Don's thoughts.

"Life was a story about me because I was in every scene...If somebody walked into my scene, it would frustrate me because they were disrupting the general theme of the play, namely my comfort or glory."
He went on to describe how
"The most difficult lie I have ever contended with is this: Life is a story about me."
"...There is no addiction as powerful as self-addiction."

After spending time at a bed and breakfast that was set up for people who were doing ministry and seeing how the host constantly cleaned up after people and put his needs aside, Don questioned him. How did he have "such a good attitude all of the time with so many people abusing his kindness?"
The host responded, "If we are not willing to wake up in the morning and die to ourselves, perhaps we should ask ourselves whether we are really following Jesus."

Piercing-instant rebuke. Had I been speaking loving words to Ella that day? No, I was frustrated b/c she was getting in the way of my plans. And have I mentioned that a 19-month-old isn't very appreciative? She doesn't care that I sit with her for 45+ minutes every meal while she eats. Ever. so. slowly. But God sees and God wants me to do all things as if I'm doing them for Him. I would imagine that would mean to do it with a cheerful heart, a thankful spirit-certainly not complaining. God is showing me that my first ministry right now is my child and my husband and that they deserve my respect and my love.

Even when I don't feel like giving it. Especially when I don't feel like giving it.
As Elise so aptly said in her post, "The Manner In Which We Walk," my job right now is to "Feed, Love, Lead."

If I am to be like Jesus, I must learn to die to self-not just every day, but every moment of the day.

So, I'm currently reading Matthew. I want to rediscover Jesus. I want to read and not just grope for a verse to speak to me. I really just want to see how He lived on this earth, how He interacted with so many different people and responded to their questions and their hurts. I want to learn so I can start living like Him.

10 comments:

Emily said...

Wow, inspiring. Exactly what I needed tonight, as I was feeling self-absorbed and worrying about the future. Thanks so much for posting this. I was going to go to bed grumpy, but then decided to check your blog while the clothes finished drying...instant gust of fresh truth! I'm going to put a smile on my grumpy face, kiss my sweet husband and go to sleep thanking God for all He's done for me...
I skimmed through a chapter or two, but didn't finish reading Blue Like Jazz, but after reading your review I think I will. :) Love you...keep up the great posts!

Nene said...

Thank you so much for this! I'm living your exact life ... everything is so rush, rush, rush! (I practically ran people over in Walmart today.) I have to say since Gracie came along, I've learned to be more patient, but I'm still not patient enough. I'm not patient with the slow cashier or the slow driver in front of me and I know I should be even more patient with Gracie. (Gracie refuses to let me pick up a magazine.) I read Elise's post you referred to a couple weeks ago and was reminded that my desire is also to be a wife and mother, no matter how frustrated and tired I am. My job right now is also to, "feed, love, lead." Your post has convicted me...thank you. I think I should read the book, too.

These beautiful girls don't appreciate us right now, but one day they will-perhaps not until they have children and realize what they did to us! :)

Jeff said...

Great review! I'm sorry you didn't like Don's writing style (it is somewhat snide and ironic) but you really absorbed his thoughts well. And so much of what you said were things that I missed. It was good to read your take on it and I really enjoyed your writing, too.

rcsnickers said...

Sounds like an inspiring book. I requested it from the library. Better go before a little ten months old decides to leave this page before I am finished!

Letisha

Elizabeth said...

Thank you so much for posting your review. We are so much alike, and I learn so much from you. I'm going to read this again and again. Love your idea about reading Matthew to rediscover Jesus. Keep up posted.

Laura said...

Emmie-awwww-so glad I could help you not go to bed grumpy-that wouldn't have been fun for Jeffrey. :-)

Karanena-you said Gracie's taught you to become more patient-see I think that's the problem,I give whatever patience I have to Ella(thought I need to give her lots! more) and then by the time I get to the idiots on the street-and yes, I'm also working on not saying that word-at least not loud enough for Ella to hear-or the slow people in the stores, my patience has worn out. :-)

Jeff-actually I did grow to enjoy his writing style; it just took me a few chapters. Thanks so much for commenting-my first male comment. Wow-I must have arrived. :-)

Letisha-just be warned that it's by no means a fundamentalist viewpoint. But I think that's why I liked it-I needed to have my horizons expanded.

Liz-so glad you're back-I missed you tons!!!

Anonymous said...

Laura,
It's me Sarah Grace. Our close friends here, Jeff & Kate, first introduced us to Blue Like Jazz. I was very skeptical. After reading your post, I am more interested - if my dearest kindred was so moved by it, surely I can get so much out of it. Maybe I'll put it on my summer reading list. We are suppose to be staying with Joel and Joy for Jon's wedding March 31st. I hope to see you then. Your blog helps bring me so much joy especially as I read your journey with the Lord!
Love ya,
Sarah

Laura said...

Sarah dear,
Can't wait to see you at the end of this month-yay! And yes, you should definitely put this on your summer reading list.

Pleasant View Family said...

You're right - his writing style is tough to read, but wow, aren't his words convicting and inspiring!

I read through the book in a week, without taking breaks to read other things. I think it would be better, however, to read this in a book club or Bible study format. Read a chapter each week, then discuss it with other people. I think that would be even more life-changing than my quick-read.

ann at mommysecrets.blogspot.com

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