Caleb's 2!

This month has flown by! It's been quite busy with homeschooling, playing the piano for church, and grading SATs. And...birthday celebrations, first Caleb's, then Will's. Caleb's favorite gift was his fishing rod. Will loved his homemade sour cream pound cake the best, I think. :-)

Caleb has added 2 words to his vocabulary, "probably" and "actually" and uses them correctly. "Actually, we don't eat sand. We eat snacks." Or "Probably, Daddy can fix it." Yes, son, he probably can. Oh, and he often calls Ella, "young lady." And not in such a nice tone. Hmm, wonder where he learned that? Just the other day, I heard him squeal, "That's mine, young lady!"

Ella's doing great in school. I decided to go through 100 Easy Lessons again and this time I'm more consistent-we do a lesson every day instead of one every week (like we did when she was 4). She's currently on lesson 48-woohoo! We stopped at 50 last time, so I'm excited about passing that milestone soon. Her prize for finishing 1/3 of the lessons was an afternoon at the park with a friend and Chick-Fil-A for lunch. For her next milestone-Lesson 66-she'll get a picnic w/me and Caleb at a local *free* petting zoo. She can't wait! And she's loving Math-U-See! So glad I got this. And I must say I understand math-especially place value-better by teaching her with this method. She's been building and reading 3-digit numbers and Caleb enjoys building w/her manipulatives and putting them in between his toes!

Miss Ella is getting plenty of social interaction with her homeschooling club day classes in town. She's taking an arts/crafts and tea party Bible study class. She also takes ballet and tap on another day. But her most valuable social interaction is precious time with her baby brother. Just the other day, while I was chopping veggies for lentil soup, I observed them out the window. Hand in hand, splashing in a mud puddle and both of them under her princess umbrella. Priceless. She would have so much less time and memories with Caleb were she in traditional school all day long.

And we're all loving our baskets of yummy fruit and veggies since we joined our local CSA. For a while there, I must admit, I was growing weary of eggplants; however, we just cooked some delicious mustard greens and broccoli (no cheese added!) that both children gobbled down. Awesome!

And I've been reading Crazy Love. Wow. Definitely not a book you can read quickly. In fact, I finished a little over half and had to return it to the library, so will have to check it back out again soon to finish it. It has really got me thinking about what it means to be a follower of Jesus. It really is all about loving God and serving others. That's it but yet those two commandments are the hardest for me to follow. Why is that? Do I really love Him most? More than anyone else, including my own children? Do I long for His coming? Really and truly long for Him? Am I doing the will of my Father by serving "the least of these"? Do I delight in serving others? Do I see them as God does-treasures created in His own image- or as an annoyance that I must try to fit into my schedule? Truly God has been revealing my selfishness. My heart needs to be cleaned out, renewed, restored. I've been praying Psalm 51 a lot lately, crying out to Him for He alone can rescue.

It's Been Way Too Long!

I guess it's finally time for an update. My little man will be 2 soon-how crazy is that?!
He's been going to the potty consistently since 18 months, but still has a dipe on for nap and nighttime. He's diaper-free around the house-still working on him wearing underwear b/c he can't seem to get them down by himself yet. And he talks all the time; his vocabulary amazes me- I guess having a big sister helps in that area. Of course, that also means he learned the word "Mine!" super early and also the exclamation "Don't do that!" They definitely have their squabbles but when they're playing sweetly together (see pic above), I think what a joy siblings are and wish for more. The other 90% of the time, I'm pulling my hair out and swearing off any more children for good.

God has been dealing with me about the tongue. The law of kindness is usually not found on mine. Rather it's an ugly tone...often yelling, "ELLA! What did you do to your brother?" So, I've been memorizing verses in James. James 1:19-Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak, and slow to become angry, for man's anger does not bring about the righteous life that God desires." And James 1:26, "Anyone who considers himself to be religious and yet does not keep a tight reign on his tongue, deceives himself, and his religion is worthless." I'm often coming to Ella, many times during the day, asking her forgiveness for getting angry and yelling at her when I should have dealt with her transgression in a kind, calm manner. I don't want my tongue to permanently damage my children-you know it's full of deadly poison, set on fire from Hell, impossible to tame. And the worst part is Ella is imitating me in her dealings w/Caleb. That's the worst...when you finally get to hear what you sound like. I just tend to lose it when I hear Caleb screaming or crying. And why is it that I always rush to his defense and assume she is to blame? He's the baby...she must be to blame. But, of course, that's not always true. Often she just wants him to do what she wants him to do, whether he wants to or not. Instead of yelling at her, it goes much further when I calmly sit her down and explain that it's okay for Caleb to do his own thing-they can still be in the same room with each other. And we can't always get what we want (yes, I'm singing it now!), and we have to treat others how we would want to be treated. Basically it's easier to yell out in frustruation than it is to train over and over again. How sinful I am! Training in righteousness takes such work. Parenting is hard...period. So, my friends, that is what I'm struggling with now...and have been for sometime. I covet your prayers. I do love my children...I just need God every minute of every day to put a watch over my tongue. To cry out to Him before I bellow out to my children. Because they are, after all, children. They must be taught. Just like I am God's child and still am being taught. "But you're 34, Mommy!" Yes, Ella and I'm still learning to have the law of kindness on my tongue. To speak blessings and not cursings. There's a huge difference in saying, "Ella! I can't believe you did that! What were you thinking? You're a very bad girl!" And, "Sweetie, please come here. We need to talk about what you just did. That hurt your brother and God wants us to love one another, not hurt each other."
Oh, for the grace to always do the latter.

Playing Catch Up

Well, this update is long overdue! Between online grading, getting way too involved in extreme couponing (more on that in another post), and life in general, I've been too busy to sit down and post. But it's been bugging me every week that my blog is getting so outdated, so I'm finally up early and am determined to do it!

Ella has grown over 2 inches since Caleb's been born! She now looks as tall as a 3-year-old girl should. But then again, perhaps not, as she is about to turn 4! Some humorous incidents that have happened since February.... She stayed w/ Will's parents last month while I did some errands. Mom said nothing when I picked her up but several days later when she was keeping her for me to go to a homeschooling informational meeting, she said, "I need to tell you something when Ella's not listening." When we could finally talk, she said, "The other day when Ella was here she said something that really surprised me." "Oh no," I thought. Then Mom told me how Ella said proudly and loudly, "I'm a little pis*-as*." Mom was of course so shocked-where could she have learned that word and why would she be so delighted about calling herself that? Delores (the nurse who watches Ma-Ma sometimes) said, "Ms. Emily, kids just pick up things from places. My grandkids do all the time." But Mom said what she really couldn't understand is that Ella kept smiling so when she would point to herself and say it. Finally, that day that I was gone to the homeschooling meeting, Ella had pointed to something they were watching on TV and said it again and finally Mom understood. Ella was not a pis*-as*, she was a little PRINCESS. Oh, we got such a good laugh out of that one.



Another time, Will and I were explaining to Ella that nothing in this world was free, including water. She was listening intently, but suddenly spoke up. "Uh-huh, Mommy, kisses and hugs are free."

On another note, not too long ago, I was cleaning up and told Ella we needed to hurry and that I needed her help. She questioned innocently, "Who's coming over?" That's pretty bad when even my 3-year-old knows that Mama doesn't really clean unless she's expecting company.

And just this past weekend, when we were driving home from visiting at Ma-Ma's, we were talking about "why all churches have crosses on them," and she said, "Is Jesus the same as God?" I told Will he could feel free to tackle that one. But amazingly the Trinity didn't seem to faze her little mind at all. :-)

And our Ella's been drawing lots of pictures lately. Here's one she drew of Icee.

And here's what he had on when she drew it.



Now, on to Caleb. Wow-my boy is a big one. I swear, he's going to get bigger than I am before he's one! He's almost 22 lbs. and is 29.5 inches long. He's been sitting up by himself since 4.5 months and is trying his best to crawl now. He'll get up in a full push-up position, then get down and bring his legs all the way up to his bottom, push his bottom in the air, but then he just gets confused and settles back down on his tummy. Not a problem though-he can swivel anywhere he wants to go on his tummy and can inch himself forward to get fascinating objects like Ella's Thomas the Train Engine. His two bottom teeth are in (he got those by 6 months) and he's almost finished getting his top 2. Insert lots of grinding noises here! :-) I think he's trying to keep up w/Ella; she had 8 teeth by the time she was one.

Despite the discomfort he has to be feeling while teething, he continues to always have a smile. The only time he gets fussy is when he's overtired. He loves going outside and visiting w/the doggies-he giggles w/delight when they lick his hands. And we FINALLY got our pool cleared up and in swim condition-and to my total delight-Caleb loved his first time in the water. It was a little too cold for swimming, but he got in up to his waist and smiled and laughed. Other things he loves to do-bounce like crazy in his exersaucer, lick strawberries, and grab Mommy's and Ella's hair. Ella fell asleep in the car the other day and her head had fallen to the side-right w/in Caleb's reach-and he grabbed a handful out! She woke up but didn't cry; she just looked at him with a confused expression on her face!

Back to the strawberries he loves to lick and gnaw on. We recently went to a strawberry patch and Ella had fun feeding him one when we got home.

I didn't start Ella on any solids this early-she was pretty much 1 when she ate anything other than Mama's milk-save for some cheerios. That was convenient b/c she could go right to eating whatever we had-just mashed up slightly. However, Caleb has shown an interest in eating our food since 5 months! He tries to grab whatever I have in my hand. I held him off until almost 7 months and since then have let him have little tastes of things we're eating. Mainly it's at supper time when I'm trying to eat and he wants to nurse. (No, I can't do both at the same time-he's a crazy nurser and I'm a hungry Mama!) I'll give him some pieces of bread or mashed up sweet potato, etc. He still nurses every 2.5-3.5 hours and sometimes more at night. When Caleb was first born, I told Will that attachment parenting sounded so good, right, natural, to try this time around and that I wished I'd done it more w/Ella. But now that I'm still feeding Caleb 4 times at night and he won't sleep in his crib at all-even for naps-I'm wondering if he'll be sleeping w/us for the rest of his life! :-) Seriously though, I know he needs me right now, and all too soon, we'll wish he was still this little and snuggled up right beside us.

Now...other updates. Will had to take up the decking that leads to the pool b/c we had so many problems w/wasps last year. When he removed it all, he found over 40 wasp nests! We're planning on building the spot up w/more dirt and then planting grass there. Eventually we want to do a flagstone patio big enough to hold a table and chairs. We also planted a wildflower meadow in our front yard. The flowers coming up don't quite look like the seed packet picture (do they ever?) but it's still pretty. And we refinanced our house. So now we definitely can't move for at least 2 years. (Don't you love closing costs?) But I couldn't pass up the 4.375% rate for a 15-year mortgage.

(Ella took this pic-pretty good, huh?)

And several months ago, I decided to read The Shack after seeing it at Ma-Ma's house. I had heard about it but was skeptical. Mom had read it and said it was a little strange but that Dad had enjoyed a passage on forgiveness in the book. It is a work of fiction but has some awesome insights about God and how He is viewed and should be viewed. Too often, we see God as the Judge and not the Lover of our Souls. I've been feeling pretty inadequate lately about a lot of things-mainly about how do to this thing called parenting-and it was comforting to be reminded that God's plan is not for me to beat myself up w/guilt and condemnation (Romans 8:1). I sometimes forget how much our Father-our Papa-loves us. I could go on and on about the novel and take aways from it but I'd never actually publish this post. I'd just recommend pushing past any prejudgements you have about the book and reading it anyhow. I think it will provide some good discussion b/w you and your spouse, friends, etc. And hopefully some fresh dialog between you and the Lover of your soul.

Now to make you *smile*
A mini hoe down session at Laurance and Kimberly's.
(You'll need to pause my music on the sidebar first.)

The Truth

Sometimes it's hard for me to like my toddler. It's easier to like and love a newborn because they don't disobey you yet. They still seem so perfect. And when you compare that to a willful 3-year-old, it's hard sometimes to not choose favorites. Of course, this is all a stage-soon, Caleb will begin showing his sinful nature and hopefully my dear Ella will become less willful as she learns more about the Savior who died for her. And hopefully her Mommy will spend more time in the Word so she too can become more like Jesus. I am so very much not like Him most of the time.

My Aunt Miriam, my dad's sister, passed away Tuesday. She battled with cancer for years. We attended her funeral yesterday. What was impressed upon my heart was the simple but sobering truth that she has finished impacting lives for Christ. Her time on earth is finished. And I believe she now has her reward. And this made me think. What about the lives I have before me every day-my two precious children. How am I impacting them for Christ? Will they be drawn to Christ by my actions and even more telling, by my reactions or will they be pushed away? I only have now. Life is short. And I want mine to count. The only way to do that is to invest in people-nothing else matters.

I want to be fully here. Embracing this stage of life. Thankful for this wonderful opportunity and yet awesome responsibility I have to train my children up in the ways of the Lord. To not be weary in well doing. God's pointed out some changes I need to make to this end and I ask for your prayers that I would be faithful to make them. That I would be diligent in this most serious task of child-rearing.

And we're desperate for a church family. We so need the fellowship, the ministry of the Word, and the service to others. We have visited so many different churches and are getting weary thinking we'll never find where we're supposed to be. Please pray that we will be open to His direction in this and will find a church home very soon.

Now about how much my Caleb has grown! He'll be 14 weeks tomorrow and weighs over 17 pounds now and is 26 inches long! He's in the 90th percentile (according to the World Health Organization charts) while our Ella was always in the 5th. What a difference. We call him our "Chunky Monkey." And he's lost most of his hair and no longer has his Elvis sideburns. He does have a nice, big bald spot at the back of his head though! He gets it from turning his head from side to side at night when he wants to nurse. That and wiggling all around are how he wakes me. He nurses about every 2 hours but at night sometimes let's me sleep for 3 hours at a time. It's really not so bad since he's still sleeping with us. Though even rolling over to let him latch on seems to take so much energy when you're in a deep sleep. And speaking of nursing, I LOVE my bebe au lait nursing cover. Now I can feel totally comfortable nursing even with Dad K. in the room. :-)
Caleb loves to grab things now-the burp cloth, my shirt, my hair! I literally have to pry his fingers away one by one. And he's cooing so much; he'll carry on a conversation w/anyone who will listen. "Gu", "Ge", "Caaah", "Huu-aa" are just some of the sounds he enjoys making.



And Caleb lights up whenever Ella comes near-as long as she doesn't get too close to his face. :-) He loves to laugh at her while she's jumping on the bed singing the monkey song. You know, "5 little monkeys jumping on the bed; 1 fell off and bumped his head...." She is my little helper. And I don't seem to appreciate how much she helps until a day like today when she's gone duck hunting w/her daddy. Suddenly there's no one to bring me a cloth wipe when I'm done pottying the baby or a fresh diaper. And she has had to sacrifice a lot. She was the center of our world for 3 years-and now she has to compete for time with a newborn. That would be hard on anyone. One of the changes I realize I must make is carving out segments during the day that are just "Ella and Mommy time." Even if we only get 10 minutes together before the baby cries, it will be special for her. I also just bought this book and plan to begin it soon with her. Another important change is getting to bed earlier so I can wake up before she does in order to have some time with my husband before he goes to work and some time in the Word.

Ella ready to go hunting!


Ella and Caleb (6 weeks old)



And I am practicing infant potty training with Caleb though the ultimate goal is not to potty train my baby faster than someone else. It's more about communicating with him by learning and responding to his cues. I'm able to catch most of his poops (he latches off while nursing to let me know he's ready to go) and do catch some pees after his naps. But considering the child pees about 40 times a day, I don't get most of them. I probably could if I really went diaper free-it would make me pay attention to him more when he's in the bouncy seat or whatever. But honestly, then I feel like I'd really get nothing done around here. He's still on the potty about 10 times a day and seems to enjoy going on it. We got a toddler insert that fits on the toilet and though it was a little big for him at the beginning, now it fits him just fine. The only problem is it's too awkward taking that with me when we do errands and if I try to potty him without it, he makes a fuss. Even if I sit on the potty with him. But at least he gets to use the potty at home which is where we are most of the time. And at least I know when he is ready to go by himself, he won't be afraid to use it.

Caleb at 6 weeks.


At 12 weeks-now a little pro!

I'm also using cloth diapers though I do supplement sometimes w/disposables (White Cloud brand-why I ever thought I had to have Pampers, I'll never know. These are so much cheaper and work just as well. You were right, Cil!). Kimberly let me use her Fuzzi Bunz that she used for awhile on Jonathan and I love them. I have a couple Bum Genius as well and some prefolds but prefer the Fuzzi's. There's no toilet dunking-since he's just on breast milk now, they can just go straight into the wash-even with poop on them. When he starts on solids, I'll probably invest in a toilet sprayer. And I'm using cloth wipes-why not-I just throw them into the wash with the diapers. Since Kimberly is due with her 2nd in June, I'll have to look into getting some of my own Fuzzi's soon. Unless of course, Caleb decides to walk and take himself to the potty faithfully by the time he's 8 months old. Ha!

I hope you all had a wonderful Christmas. Happy New Year!

Life With Two

I'm slowly adjusting to life with 2 kids-and I thought one was hard!
:-) It must have taken me 30 minutes longer just to get out the door with both of them the other day. I kept forgetting something one of us would need. Caleb went to Grandma's and Ella to Kimberly's so I could get a much needed trim and go grocery shopping. Of course, after the haircut I had to stop at Grandma's so Caleb could nurse before I went to the grocery store. But soon the day will come when I have to take them both with me on errands-and I suppose by God's grace, I will survive.

I can't believe our Little Man will be 3 weeks tomorrow! Time is already flying by. I'm feeling great now (no more walking w/my legs together-wahoo!) and wanting to get out more. Today, we all went to a nearby farm with my MOPS group for a hayride, lunch, and pumpkin-picking. I think Ella's favorite part was petting a bunny and Caleb's? Nursing, of course. As Ella says, "Caleb is growing, growing, growing 'cause he's nursing, nursing, nursing." :-)

Ella continues to be a help by bringing diapers, wipes, etc. to me when I need it and likes to comfort "her baby" by patting and kissing his head. In fact, though most toddlers have a baby doll to play with, mine has "Spotty dog." She diapers him, wipes him, nurses him, burps him, and has tummy time w/him, just as she sees me do with Caleb.

However, I have been crying out to God for help in dealing with Ella especially when she wakes up the baby by running into the room singing at the top of her lungs. Let's just say I don't win the mom-of-the-year award for my controlled response. My verse to memorize and most importantly utilize this week is Ephesians 4:32: Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you. I know I don't show Ella as much grace as God has shown and continues to show me and by His power I want to get better at that. Mainly I don't want to make mountains out of molehills-something I'm famous for. The next time she spills her juice, I'd like to not get aggravated and yell but just say, "It's okay, honey, that happens. Next time, please hold it with both hands." Please pray for me in this area. With me just completing my first week having them both by myself (Will was off the first week and my Mom came up the 2nd-such a blessing!), the hardest part was getting frustrated with Ella and therefore not enjoying the time with her as I should have.

She really is such a precious child. And I can't even tell you how much BIGGER she seems to me now that Caleb is here. Holding her in my arms now, I feel like I'm holding a 10-year-old. After giving her a bath the other night, I just kept exclaiming, "Ella, you're HUGE!" which made her laugh and laugh. But I was serious. When did her legs get so long, her hands and feet so big? She's growing up right before my eyes and I want to be right in the moment with her and not wish the time away, longing for peace and quiet.

And she's already had a big adjustment to make-no more Mommy's milk. She got her last official feeding the day before Caleb's birth. I had gotten her down to one morning feeding every other day but the week before his birth, she was doing one morning feeding every day (anything to get the baby out!). I'm so proud of her for realizing it's Caleb's turn now. She still has comfort in pinching my underarms and sucking her two fingers. :-)

As for Caleb, he's quite the grunter. He grunts in his sleep, while he's nursing, basically all the time. And poor thing is still getting so much milk as it's letting down that he can't keep up. He gulps and gulps with very loud swallows and then chokes and coughs. But he is gaining weight. We took him to get weighed at 9 days old and he was 9 lb, 5 oz. (He had lost down to 8 lb. 8 oz.) And we can just look at his tummy and tell he's doing okay. Oh, and he has sideburns-ever seen a baby with those? Our little Elvis man. He loves his Native Baby Carrier (thank you Letisha and Sarah!), his bouncy seat, and sleeping on his Daddy's chest. And he does sleep a lot; I forgot how much newborns sleep. Sometimes his feedings take an hour because he drifts in and out of sleep; I usually wake him by changing his diaper-those cold wipes sometimes do the trick. Speaking of diapers, we're on our 4th pack already-our man poops A LOT! I bought some cloth diapers (hemp-they're sooo soft) and I'm going to try those this next week and see how it goes.

And my favorite thing that he does and has done since his first day? Flash that beautiful smile-we call it his "sleepy smile;" others call them "gassy smiles." I know he is not yet smiling because of us, but it's no matter to me. I love to see it. And he's laughed in his sleep a few times too-sweet dreams, I suppose. He's had several baths now too and seems to love the water, just like his sister.

Thank you all for loving on us and praying for us.

Enjoy some of my favorite photos.

11 Months

Eleven months ago, Will and I started trying for a baby brother or sister for our dear Ella. I was sure it would happen fast-definitely within the first 3 months of trying. I suppose that's because we weren't trying for our first (I conceived our Glory Baby 3 months after we married), and we weren't trying for Ella (we had decided to wait until Dec. to try; she was conceived in October). So needless to say, I knew nothing of the struggles of infertility-or in the case now-secondary infertility. I would hear prayer requests at our Bible Study class-please pray for us to conceive-and I would, but I knew nothing of their pain. Now I can say I at least know a little of what it's like to be so disappointed month after month, to leave the bathroom with tears streaming down, knowing once again, your womb is empty. And one of the hardest things was knowing that as each month passed, Ella was going to be that much older than her sibling.

Last month, after starting again, I cried out to God. It went something like this, "God, obviously I can't do this; we've tried and tried at what I thought were all the right times. This is not going to happen unless You desire it. Only You are the Creator of life. Please open my womb again." That was my first step in surrendering.

Then this past Saturday, I was driving to a nearby town with Ella in the back seat and the tears started flowing. I had been taking my temps and saw that they were falling some right before my period was to start and knew, yet again, it wasn't going to be this month. So inwardly I cried out, asking "God, why? Why don't you want me to have another one? Don't you want a sibling for Ella? Isn't that a good thing?" And then I heard Him so clearly. "Beloved, will it be okay if all I grant you is Ella? Will you still trust that I know best if I give you no more children?" And I hesitated. And cried. And looked back at my angel through the rear view mirror. And finally,through many tears, said, "Okay, God. You know best. I will trust you."

Sunday came-the dreaded day-and I was prepared-not happy-but prepared that there would be other months to try and that God was in control. But Sunday came and went. Still I didn't have high hopes. I had been late before. Monday came and went. I did notice my temps were going back up again. And so, yesterday, I took a test. And there was much rejoicing in my bathroom, let me tell you! Much praising to my God, my Lord, who had heard my cry even before my last surrender-but He had wanted that surrender, I am sure.

Ella was the first to find out. When I told her, at first she looked a little confused and questioned, "Ella's Mommy?" I said yes, and then she kissed my tummy and said, "Love tiny baby." I had already decided months and months ago (like last March) how I was going to tell Will whenever it happened; I purchased a shirt for Ella that said, "I'm the Big Sister." When he arrived home from work yesterday, she had it on and said, "Look Daddy; new shirt." He looked at it and said, "But who are you the big sister to?" Then he stared at me incredulously; "You're pregnant?" "Yes," I shouted and he picked me up in his arms for a spin around the kitchen.

And, of course, I had to take another test this morning, just to be sure. Once again, the plus sign came across the screen so clear.

We are rejoicing here, friends. And I want to thank all of you for your prayers. Please continue to pray for our little one's safety. It's hard not to worry after having a miscarriage, but I'm trying to just focus on now. For now, I am pregnant. God has heard my cry. There is a tiny life inside me. And I am ever so glad.

And for my friends who are still trying, please know that I am continuing in my prayers for you.

Here's the proud big sister.

Christmas Highlights

Christmas Eve, Will & I celebrated our 8th anniversary at home w/our precious daughter. For Christmas, Laurance & Kimberly gave us a gift card to Logan's and an offer to keep Ella so we could celebrate later by ourselves. How sweet!

Christmas morning, Ella was so excited to find her presents under the tree! When opening each one, she'd gasp in amazement. And this year, she could actually unwrap the gifts herself. Ella received her beloved Katie and Emma books, a Radio flyer wagon, and Raggedy Ann & Andy dolls. We got the ATW wagon w/the wood stake sides and it does wonderfully on our dirt road. She also received many other items from her relatives-enough to last her for several years, I think.

After a great breakfast, we left for our trip to the lake to have Christmas dinner w/Mom & Ken. Ella was also able to see her Mema for a little while and my sisters Karen & Donna, and Donna's 3 kids. Kenny & I took Ella for a short ride in Kenny's garden wagon and she loved it. Mom read her Dimity Duck and Kenny read her Room for a Little One: A Christmas Tale (both highly recommended). One of the gifts Ella got from her Ganma and Ganpa was a dry erase board. She drew an "E" on it all by herself and of course I have the pic to prove it. :-) My other sister Marna went to Mexico to visit her husband's family, so we're having a late Christmas get together for her this coming weekend. That's when I'll see my dad too.

When we arrived back home, I greatly enjoyed making Christmas cookies w/my Little Helper. She helped me roll the dough, cut the shapes, and put the sprinkles on (her favorite part). And I loved seeing the flour on her sleeves and face.

We had our get together at Mama's on Friday night and I know Mom enjoyed having her newest grandson there. Mama got her waffle iron and Ella got a play-doh set from Mama-yay! She's been playing w/it every day! Laurance & Emily entertained us w/music and all the kiddos were great. Some even took naps (not mine, of course.)

Now I interrupt this Christmas summary to let you in on Ella's latest "conversations."

Ella: "Mandy tickles, tickled arm, right arm."
Me: "She tickled your right arm?" "Which one is that?"
And she pointed to the correct one.

Me: (To chickens), "Night-night, sleep tight, don't let the bed bugs bite."
Me: (To dogs) "Night-Night."
Ella continues: "Sleep tight."
(Thinking hard about what comes next)
"Bugs get you!"

Ella's prayers every night: Granpa, Granma (she's says this twice, so I'm assuming it's to cover both sets?), Mama, Taylor, Laura, Play Play-doh...and just recently, "Broder, Sister" :-)

Ella was amazingly gentle w/her cousin "Ben-jin" which gives me great hope for when we have another one. She handed her Aunt "Em-ly" wipes and diapers and lovingly patted Benjamin's head.

It was wonderfully refreshing to spend time w/Em and Jeff-I just wish we lived closer to each other. After they left, Will & I said that if they do ever move to NC, we may just have to join them. Em and I have even more in common now that we're both Moms, and it was so nice to hear someone else say, "Yes, I've thought that, done that too, etc." And they read more books than anyone I know. It's just refreshing to be around people who are not only constantly learning but also putting into practice things they've learned and who you know are truly seeking to glorify God. I greatly respect my sister-in-law and her hubby-they're friends first, relatives second. We can discuss anything and everything-there aren't many people with whom that comes naturally. And of course, as Em says, we can also be complete dorks around each other. :-)

Today, my maid of honor and her hubby left after spending one night w/us. It was so wonderful to catch up w/her and she also sharpens me as "iron sharpeneth iron." But of course that doesn't always feel good. It's much easier, isn't it, when someone just agrees w/you rather than telling you that you're wrong about something and/or you need to change something. As her hubby said, "God never said it was going to feel good to be changed into His image. Iron sharpening iron, gold being refined in the fire, the clay being fashioned by the potter's hands. Those aren't things that feel good, but they are necessary if we're to grow more like Christ."

One struggle Will and I have been having is w/church. Basically we don't have one yet. And visiting is getting old. I'm reading The Purpose Driven Life right now and just finished the "Place to Belong" chapter. That's so what we want and so what we don't have. God designed us for fellowship and we're not getting it. My problem is looking for the perfect church, though now I'd settle for a church which had 70% of what I'm looking for. But as Rick Warrren says in his book,

"God wants you to love real people, not ideal people. You can spend a lifetime searching for the perfect church, but you will never find it. You are called to love imperfect sinners, just as God does."

So now Will & I are actually praying together about the church God would have us in and trusting that He will direct us soon because afterall He desires it. As Sarah said, "It's amazing how much time we spend talking about our problems to each other, but we don't spend even half that time praying about them to God."

So, the best Christmas presents I received this year were several brain facials from my dear family & friends. I'm very thankful.

I hope you all had a wonderful Christmas as well and...Happy New Year!

Changes

Will and I have been doing a lot of thinking lately. The Holy Spirit had already been convicting me of my time on the internet. Too much of it. At the cost of spending time w/Him and w/my husband in the evenings. I've tried curbing it, but it's an obsession. Checking blogs-finding new blogs, writing posts, reading comments, writing comments, etc. And Ella still has no scrapbook-just one that's online. And that's not exactly what I had in mind. I need to spend the time while she's napping to work on that among other things. As much as I'll hate to lose the contact w/my wonderful family and friends, we're cutting back on this technology for now at least. I keep reminding myself, there's always the library. Internet is free there if I just have to have my blog fix or research something. And I may occasionally update my blog from there, but probably not much in the next few months as we have lots to do...

Will and I have been praying about building on his family's old home site.(I'm not saying the name of the city for safety reasons.) Most likely, Will will be working at his old job-yes, that would be a good 50 minute commute-but there aren't any geotech firms where his family lives. He's going to try to get them to agree to just a 4 day work week (working 10 hours a day); that way, we'll see him more than we do now. But the best part is I'll have family nearby for support, for adult interaction, etc. I sooooo need that. I get quite depressed here by myself all day--thus why I turn to the internet so much! I'm quite excited about Ella saying in the near future, "Mom, I'm going up to grandma's!" And to top it all off, she only has a quaint, beautiful country lane to travel to get there!

So, how did we come to this conclusion. Actually from reading
Better Off
Flipping The Switch On Technology
By Eric Brende

I highly recommend this-go pick up a copy from your library today! Will's wanted to do something like this forever but I haven't exactly been on board. But after reading this book and seeing how Eric and his wife had a much better quality of life living on a farm and having a close community, I wanted it so much. Eric (an MIT graduate) and his wife Mary actually have an experiment-live among the Minimites for 18 months (no, not the Mennonites or the Amish-he actually made up the term "Minimites" for them as they are even stricter than the others and use no machinery whatsoever.) They've even invented their own contraptions for threshing their wheat and for getting running water in their homes. What Eric found was that this community actually had more time on their hands for socializing than we do w/all our modern technology. It's such a fascinating read because it it reveals how we don't need so many of the things our cultural dictates as mandatory.

In one passage I particularly like from the book (from the chapter, "The Sounds of Silence"), Eric is reading The Education of Henry Adams one evening (by kerosene lamp light, of course) and finally understands why he could so easily read the book now but yet had not been able to get past the first few pages while in college.

[Henry Adams] had lived within a culture whose movements were still largely limited by the speed of horses; the ambling cadences of his writing preserved this pace. Having taught medieval history at Harvard besides, his verbal nuances hearkened back to an earlier epoch still and seemed to echo from the deep wells of time, the vaults of the great cathedrals.

This was the secret: to grasp his meaning, you had to be living it. Not merely your thoughts, but your various daily duties, the material accoutrements by which you performed them, had to fold together in a quiet rhythm, an interconnected unity.

And this explained not only why time moved more slowly but also why we had more of it, why we were able to relax and read the way we were doing right now; in the absence of fast-paced gizmos, ringing phones, alarm clocks, television, radios, and cars, we could simply take ou time. In being slower, time is more capacious. The event is only in the moment. By speeding through life with technology, you reduce what any given moment can hold. Buy slowing down, you expand it.

Shortcuts lead to emergency mending sessions in order to piece back in what was cut out, to lengthen what was shortened: Computer users, cramped in a cubicle all day long, jogging around the block. Bureaucrats and financiers, zooming ahead along their career paths, then reversing gears to attend school concerts, ball games, and parent meetings. Captives of the technological environment fleeing for brief weekends to mountain, beaches, and rustic cabins.

So true, don't you think? I could discuss this book forever, but I need to move on; otherwise no one will finish reading this post b/c it will be too long.

So back to our decision-for us moving to *** is the closest we have to farm life and family, so that's why we're doing it. We want to have a big garden and maybe chickens and goats in the future. We're planning on building a wood house-similar to that of the mountain cabin. We wanted a log one, but then checked out the prices-way too high, so wood it is. We want something rustic but we also want to finance the least amount as possible for only 15-years and put extra on it every month to have it paid off in 10 years or less. We want a simpler life. We've been looking for ways to cut back on spending b/c ideally the less we have to spend every month, the less Will has to work and the more time we can spend together as a family. We've already cut back on car insurance (almost $400/yr savings-yes, we're still covered, but found things we were spending that we didn't need) and of course, the internet ($43/month). The next will probably be cell phones and Dish-but right now we have heavy penalties for canceling before our contract is up, so we're waiting several more months on that.

I'm scared about this new adventure but also excited. I'm glad God didn't give up working on me. And whenever I get exhausted from trying to figure out all the details, God gently rebukes me as I sing to Ella from The Lullaby Bible-her new favorite book!

(To be sung to the tune of All Through The Night)

Hush my child,
Cease your worries,
God cares for you.
He feeds the birds
and clothes the lilies,
God cares for you.

Soft the lovely birds are winging,
Sweet the flowers who hear their singing.
Twilight falls with hope still ringing:
God cares for you.


Thank you for your prayers-please continue. We're still waiting on details to be worked out w/Will's job and then of course we need to get this house ready to sell.

P.S. I'll be posting one more time before we close out our account.
P.P.S. I failed to mention how I found out about Better Off. It was by reading this post on Amy's blog. The irony does not escape me. :-)

Learning

Well, God's been gently reminding me of showing LOVE to my fellow man. Why is that so hard? B/c I'm still so self-absorbed. In my own little Mommy world.
I am realizing it more though and that's the first step, right? I did notice that the deli worker's name was Pam but still didn't say, "Thank you, Pam." Just "thank you." I'll get up the nerve next week. I always think people may think it a little creepy if I use their name and don't know them. I'm sure they wouldn't-they'd be glad someone actually acknowledged them as a person and not just a worker, but that's just my female mind doing way too much analyzing. And I failed to engage in a conversation w/a lady while out walking around the neighborhood b/c I was worried Ella would get too bored in her stroller. But at least God made me aware of the need to.

What God has brought to my mind the most since reading Matthew is Jesus eating w/sinners. (Because the sick are the ones in need of a physician.) And I've been thinking, "Do I even know any non-Christian friends?" Shouldn't I meet some and have them over? In Blue Like Jazz, Don talks about his pastor encouraging them to go out and just love on people-show them Christ's love and kindness. Not to try to get them to come to the church, but just to be like Christ. The result was many did end of coming to the church and finding a relationship w/Christ b/c those church-goers put their faith into practice.

I've been thinking about our next door neighbors-should we invite them over? This would take a major step of faith and God-given courage b/c I don't like feeling awkward, and when you're getting to know someone it tends to be that way. They could be Christians, who knows? Isn't that the sad thing-I hardly know anything about them.

So pray for me, dear friends, that I'll not just hear God's voice but respond as well.

Ella's been on a "Mama" phase for about a week now. She says it ALL the time-I don't think I'm exaggerating when I say at least a few hundred times a day. I have to admit, it gets on my nerves. Even if I'm in her sight, if my attention is not 100% on her, I hear it, "Mama, MAma, MAMA!" But when I was on the treadmill yesterday, I saw the beginning Dr. Phil. A mom was on there who had triplets who were all deaf and blind. And I was so rebuked and ashamed. This mom would do anything to hear her girls say "Mama." And here I was complaining.

Sometimes Ella will mix it up a bit, "Mama, Dada, Mama, Dada," but Dada is usually at a higher pitch. She'll do this when Will's not even here. I'm currently trying to figure out how to curb her yelling though. Yesterday in the grocery store it got quite loud-people were staring-and my "Shhh, Ella" wasn't working. Maybe they were just amazed that someone so tiny could be soooo loud. So, more practice at home, I guess.

Here's a recent pic-thanks for taking it, Uncle Jeff!

You can see she's getting a little more hair. She had her mouth full of grapes at the time and was pushing her corn popper.