Friday, February 15, 2008

I Spoke Too Soon

Remember how I said my bloating was better? Well, that lasted for about a day. It never completely went away, but I had some relief. Now I'm back to using a rubberband just so I can wear my jeans. I've even worn maternity pants out in public twice. Yes, you read that right. I simply CANNOT fit into my clothes anymore. And in case you need reminding, I'm only 6.5 weeks along.

I found some forums online where women have said things like, "Help me-I'm 6 weeks and look like 6 months!" Other women commented-"Been there before-it's okay-it will either a.) go away in a few weeks or b.) at least not get much worse. " One woman said she looked like 6 months around 9 weeks along but that when she truly was 6 months, she wasn't much bigger. Well, that's a relief. If my stomach keeps growing at this rate, I truly will pop by the time 6 months rolls around.

And lest you think I'm exaggerating, here's proof.

I'm not doing a lot of rejoicing over here-I stepped on the scale to find I'd already gained 4 lbs. Of what? My little lentil bean doesn't even weigh an ounce yet. Am I retaining water (even though I'm peeing quite frequently?) is it just gas (even though...okay you get the point). And no, I am not overindulging myself in sweets, etc. So, for now, I wait. Since I know there have been others to go through this (even though I don't know any personally), I'm not panicked, just a little bit upset.

I had the perfect pregnancy w/Ella-and was SOOOO looking forward to the actual pregnancy part again (the baby afterwards, of course, but some women really hate the pregnancy part-I loved it.) But I'm not enjoying this one. And I don't feel connected yet to this baby. Part of it may be my heart not letting me get connected until I know everything's okay.

And it's hard to enjoy the pregnancy when you just feel so fatandyucky. I'm okay feeling that way at 8 months, not now. And let me just add-if I was truly 4 months along and this was truly the baby showing on me, I'd be delighted and happily wearing my maternity clothes. But, alas, I can't even say I'm in my 3rd month yet. (And, by the way, I can't wait until I am officially 9 weeks, so I can say, "I'm in my 3rd month" if anyone asks. I figure I'll leave fewer mouths agape if I say that than if I say, "I'm only 9 weeks-isn't my growing tummy just beautiful?")

And lest you fear, I am still grateful for what I think is a baby growing inside me. My mom recently asked, "Laura, what if it's a tumor?" Thanks, Mom, I needed to add that to my list of worries. But no, I've taken 2 pregnancy tests and still haven't started my period-pretty sure it's a baby. Some ladies that I spoke with at MOPS yesterday said, "That's just how it is w/your 2nd-you show much more quickly." And technically this is my 3rd-but still w/Ella, I didn't need maternity clothes until 14 weeks. That's actually early for some to wear them, but I attribute that to the fact that one, I am short and my tummy has no where to go but out and two, I had indeed been pregnant before, and even though it didn't last, my uterus still knew what it meant to expand.

Here's the clincher though-if I go from wearing maternity clothes at 14 weeks w/Ella to 6 weeks with this one, then if I ever get pregnant again, I will have to start wearing them two weeks before the baby is conceived. Just thought I'd give you a heads-up.

So, my current plan is to go buy lots of cute (do those exist?) sweatpants and long shirts and wear them everywhere (not sure what to do about church attire yet). I figure if I curl my hair and make it look ever so pretty, maybe no one will notice my tummy and ask the dreaded question, "So, when are you due, dear?"


Emily said...

Aw! Go ahead and wear your pregnancy clothes with pride! :) Your little tummy is pooching a bit for 6 weeks, but like you said it's not your first baby.
Did you feel bonded with Ella right away? It took me a while with Benjamin; I don't think I actually bonded until he was a couple of months old! Everyone's different. I'm praying for you and this new precious little one growing slowly inside!

rcsnickers said...

I personally think your belly picture is cute. Girl, you are thin! I could wear maternity clothes now, but oh I am having a hard time in the weight department! Anyway, yikes, my first thought was your Mom's thought. Baby and a tumor or cyst? I pray and hope not! hey, maybe twins? Erin could elaborate on her size at that time! I have worn maternity clothes earlier with each pregnancy but never that early. But everyone is different. I know someone who had to wear maternity clothes like a week after finding out and she was thin!

Praying for a healthy pregnancy and no worries on your part.

Anonymous said...

Dear Laura,
You know it's all going to be just fine! God is in control - keep trying to trust Him and try to stop your fretting! You look so cute!!
I will be praying for wisdom and peace.
Love ya,
Sarah Grace

Erin said...

Oh it all sounds fine to me. As long as you're just bloating and not feeling the top of the uterus up high, it's probably not twins!

I think I wore maternity clothes with #2 much much earlier too.

So excited for you, and you know what, I didn't bond with any baby during pregnancy, and it took until at least the 1st month until after they were born to feel that way.

Laura said...

Thanks, guys for you encouragement and prayers. I'm trying just to trust but it's hard not to wonder about all these strange things this time around. Still haven't decided on whether to make an appt. w/an OB yet for an early ultrasound.
And, Em, yes I did bond w/Ella right away (in utero)and wrote her a note every week in my journal. So, it's just different this time, but I guess different can be okay. :-)